About the (lack of) gentlemen of today...

And while I'm still awake, I might as well keep writing... covers my entries for the next few days!
 
I've just realised that I've met the only gentleman up to this point in my life... this is the only man I know who will open doors and car doors for me; always picks up the tab; goes out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable; walks me to my car even in daylight; among others. Yes, I've known guys who have done the above but not all of the above. He's from Singapore - the place some people call kiasu-land! And yet I have failed to find a single Malaysian man who can match his chivalry.
 
It's extremely rare to come across men with such chivalry nowadays, especially in this generation. I discussed this with a friend (who is my mom's age) and she said that back when she was dating, almost all the men she knew were of this gentlemenly type. I told her that almost the guys that I know weren't. She accurately pointed out that many of the girls today brought it upon themselves; their insistence on being independent, to the point of being insulted when a guy offers assistance, have turned guys off from making such offers again.
 
I'm not that kind of feminist. I believe in feminine independence and equal rights, but I still enjoy being a woman. I don't mean that I will blatantly use my 'feminine wiles' to take advantage of people - those of you who know me know that I can never stoop to such a level! What I meant was by being paid attention with such care and concern. It doesn't mean that I'm so handicapped that I'm incapable of doing things on my own. It means that my comfort is being taken care of. There is a distinct difference between the two scenarios, and you can easily tell. It's silly to take offense when a man is showing sincere concern for your comfort and/or safety.
 
However, I don't believe that displays of feminism is the sole cause of slow death of gentlemanliness (is there such a word?!). I also believe that it's the way some guys were brought up. Many men are mollycoddled and spoilt by their mothers to the point where they believe the world revolves around them. I've seen men who refuse to give way to women when paths cross on the stairs/hall/streets; men who let their wives carry the heavy load while they swing by with nothing in their arms except the watch on their wrists; men who don't even help unload the bags from the car after a shopping trip.
 
The first time I had a car door opened specially for me (and I don't mean by a valet) made me feel special. I think it's because it shows that attention is being paid to me. And which woman doesn't want attention? It was especially memorable because no one else had ever done it for me. (Waiting by the car door with an umbrella while it's raining doesn't count. That is done because it has to be.) Opening plain doors are pretty normal; in fact, some girls open doors and the guys walk through. Talk about role reversal! Admittedly though, it's nothing now for us to just hold the door open for our friends, be it guy or girl.
 
I've had male colleagues who would just watch me struggle by with a heavy laptop/projector from my car all the way to the office without batting an eyelid. I've had male friends who never thought of walking me to my car at night, leaving me to get there alone. Hey, I've even had a male friend who once dumped me in front of my house at 3am in the morning and zoomed off immediately without even making sure I was safely in the house (and incidentally, I was locked out of both house and gate then). These aren't only obvious lack of gentlemanly courtesy, it's an obvious lack of thought and concern. I'm a girl, and yet I'll offer help to friends who have heavy loads; when I send someone home, be it a him or a her, I'll make sure he/she is safely locked behind the door before I go off especially when it's in the dead of the night.
 
I lament the slow death of the existence of gentlemen... looks like it's on the endangered list too.
 
(PS: In case, some of you sour grapes wanted to tear the aforementioned gentleman with catty remarks, let it be known that he is intelligent and successful. You guys have a long way to catch up.)